There have been a number of times lately when my son has done something that he knows he is not allowed to do. Almost immediately, as he realises that he is likely to get in trouble, he covers his eyes with his hands and remains still and silent.
My wife and I both felt like this is such a picture of us withdrawing from God when we have done something wrong. We know intellectually that our Heavenly Father sees everything but shame and condemnation drives us into hiding for fear of punishment.
As I was remembering this over the last few days something struck me that didn’t line up between my son’s experience and my experiences with my Heavenly Father.
I have never heard my heavenly Father shout in a condescending, judgemental tone of voice “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!” There have been many times when I thought that’s how Father would react but you know, every time I come to Him with an open heart, He is only gentle and leads me to be real so I can receive comfort.
In contrast when I look at my son’s reaction, I see a child who is fearful of punishment with experience to back up his expectation. That’s exactly what I experienced growing up and it’s been my default as a parent, that my son should know my expected behavior and act / obey accordingly. I’m reminded of how I felt as a child: like everything I did was never good enough for my parents and now I hear my son asking questions like can I eat this or that on his plate because he is fearful of doing it in the wrong order. What a contrast to my Heavenly Father.
Oh Father help me!
As I have sat in this space with Father I’m continuing to receive comfort to my heart in my experiences.
One thing I have seen with my son, is a growing ability to remain calm and with a gentle voice ask my son politely to stop / do something, give the reason why and then finish with “Can you please do that for me?” Do you know what? Most times he follows instructions happily.
Also I have noticed that I have begun to realise that many of the things I sharply tell my son to stop doing, actually aren’t wrong at all, they just aren’t what I would do, or the way I would do it. Ultimately I’m just getting annoyed and the issue is with me. Sometimes I’m also able to say “Sorry son, that’s OK” and with a brief pause he then continues in his child hearted play.
I continue to walk with Father in this place of inadequacy knowing more and more that He is able.
